|Season 7, Episode 12|
|Air date||February 9, 2003|
|Written by||Etan Cohen|
|Directed by||Dominic Polcino|
Hank has lunch with John Redcorn in Bacon 'N Waffles thinking the topic of conversation would be about all things propane. Instead, Redcorn laments that “his” son, Joseph, isn’t being raised properly, is behaving in a bad manner, and is in need of a vision quest to guide him. Hank reminds him that Joseph is Dale’s son, and that Dale will take care of the boy. Later, at school, three troublemakers—Steve, Dave and Jake—see Bobby and Joseph and call them over. Bobby ends up walking home by himself, while Joseph chooses to hang out with Steve, Dave and Jake. Hank and his buddies notice Joseph hanging around with the bad crowd. Fearing Joseph will adversely influence Bobby, Hank approaches Dale, hoping he’ll take action. But Dale refuses to do so, claiming he doesn’t want to be a father. This is in keeping with Dale's cowardly nature. With little choice, Hank turns to John Redcorn, who’s more than happy to teach him about, of all things, a vision quest. He describes how Joseph must fast for 24 hours, then wander the wilderness until exhaustion sets in. He also shares his personal vision where he saw a weak tree in the middle of a desert being blown away by some strong wind. He was a roadie at the time and explains that since he was stuck in the same place, he would never make the best out of his life if he continued down that path. The next morning, Hank, Dale, Bobby and Joseph drive to a wooded area and set out on a hike. Everyone complains about hunger, especially Dale, but Hank nonetheless leads them onward, until they eventually set up camp for the night. Hank tells Joseph that he, Bobby and Dale are going to look for some firewood, leaving him alone in the darkness. But as the threesome head off into the woods, Dale is suddenly overcome with exhaustion, and experiences his own vision quest, and grows convinced that he’s a Native American. Redcorn observes from afar…and can only shake his head.
When Dale tells Redcorn about his vision, Redcorn suggests he learn about Indian culture so he can pass it on to Joseph. Later, Joseph meets up with Steve, Dave and Jake, who are loitering in a parking lot. The threesome tell Joseph about their plans to drug some pandas at the zoo and then paint their names on the animals. Later, at school, Joseph relays word of the scheme to Bobby. Their conversation is interrupted when the teacher announces that “a man from the local Native American community” is going to share some information about his heritage. With that, Dale walks in, decked-out in regalia. That night, Joseph awakens from a bad dream and calls for his father. He tells Dale that his friends are going to do “something really bad” at the zoo that evening. Dale decides Joseph can act even cooler than his friends by killing a panda.
Later that night, Dale enters his bedroom and begins donning his Indian regalia. He tells Nancy about his plan to do something spectacular so the cool kids will hang out with Joseph. Nancy consults with John Redcorn, who insists Joseph’s dream was a warning—and that they must find Dale and Joseph before it’s too late. As Dale uses his Bugabago to smash open the zoo’s gates, Nancy and Redcorn awaken Hank, Peggy and Bobby and describe Dale’s vague plan. Bobby realizes what Dale’s up to, and tells the others about the pandas at the zoo. Hank, Peggy, Bobby, Redcorn and Nancy drive to the zoo, where Joseph prepares to shoot a panda with a bow and arrow. Steve, Dave and Jake encourage Joseph to let go of the arrow—but Redcorn advises the boy not to do so. Joseph is unsure what to do. Suddenly, his arm gives out and the arrow flies through the air. Redcorn reaches out and grabs it, saving the panda’s life. Hank tells Steve, Dave and Jake to go home. Later, Bobby dreams that he’s a panda appearing on The Hollywood Squares game show.
- When Nancy is in her bed you can see that her nightgown is yellow and when Dale talks to her it turns back to purple.
- Celebrities seen in Bobby's Hollywood Squares dream:
- Minnie Driver
- Members of Destiny's Child
- Carson Daly
- Bruce Vilanche
- Erik Estrada/Larry Wilcox
- Rob Schneider
- Croc Hunter
- Al Franken
- (The guys are out in the alley like usual; Dale is wearing a vest and Native American Headdress and is dancing around stereotypically)
Bill: "Well, I'm just gonna come right out and say it, Dale. Something seems different about you."
Dale: "Something is different, Bill. I had a vision. I'm an Indian now."
Dale: "I always wondered why I hated the federal government and loved tobacco with such passions but now it all makes sense."
Hank: "Okay, time-out, Sitting Jackass. Have you looked in a mirror lately? You are the got-dang whitest person I've ever seen."
Dale: "I am the albino buffalo! Deal with it."
- Hank: "Maybe Redcorn was right. Joseph's falling in with the wrong crowd, and every group of bad kids needs a heavy boy to be the lookout."
Peggy: "And Bobby is so impressionable. I hope he has the strength to stand up to him."
Bobby: (entering the kitchen) "Mom, Dad, I just saw the most incredible fabric softener ad!!!! Is the supermarket still open?"
Hank: "Peggy, keep him here."
- Joseph: "Isn't killing pandas a crime?"
Dale: "Absolutely, for a white man. But we're Indians. We can kill just about anything as long as we use all the parts."
- Dooley: "I can see your dad's junk."
- Joseph: "You want to know what the land's telling me? Wreck stuff!"
- John Redcorn: "Hey, what a coinkydink! All of us camping here. Funny."
Dale: "Ha!... oh, you mean funny-weird. That is odd."
- John Redcorn: "Hank, this is an important ritual among my people. Don't half-ass it."
- Hank: "Dale, I don't normally go in for that "it takes a village" garbage, but you've got a situation with your Joseph I can't have spilling over onto my Bobby."
Dale: "I know, Hank, but what can I do?"
Hank: "You can tell Joseph he's not to hang around those kids anymore!"
Dale: "I can't do that! This is his chance to be cool - and you only get one chance!"
- Bill: "You know who'd be a good influence? My son, Trey."
Hank: "Last week it was Travis."
- (Hank and John Recorn are talking about a Vision Quest for Joseph)
John Redcorn: "All cultures have a similar rite of passage - your people have a Bar Mitzvah."
Hank: "We're not Jewish."
John Redcorn: "Really."
- Dale: "So do you have a regular place where you buy your feathers and bonnets and so forth?"
- John Redcorn: (sighs) It's a Web site.
- Tagline: "What a coinkydink!" - John Redcorn
- The episode title alludes to the 1985 film Vision Quest.