|Luanne Virgin 2.0|
|Season 5, Episode 15|
|Air date||March 11, 2001|
|Written by||Kit Boss|
|Directed by||Adam Kuhlman|
Luanne becomes a "born-again virgin", and Peggy reveals to her that she had pre-marital sex before she met Hank. During a dance, Luanne accepts a man's marriage purposal and reveals that Peggy slept with another man. While it is found-out that they want to marry only to have sex without being sinners, Hank sets the marriage for tommorow morning while Peggy tries to apologize to Hank and save Luanne from a pointless marriage. In the morning, it turns-out Luanne took Peggy's side and called-off the wedding, and Peggy and Hank reconcile.
The episode starts off with Hank looking at a couple of pictures from the hardware store, pleased about the quality. Luanne encourages them both to keep looking; she has rows of pictures of her new boyfriend, a monotonous young man named Zack. The price he charges for those pictures are $12.50, so Luanne tries to sweet-talk him, but again he repeats himself about the price and says that the relationship is over, as well as calling her "Linda". Luanne corrects him, but Peggy only tells her that their relationship is finished, and Luanne runs crying out of the photo store.
Finding out about Luanne
In Hank's truck, Peggy begs Luanne to calm down as it unnerves her uncle. Luanne says if she knew Zack was going to act like such a bust, she never would have had sex with him in the first place. When Hank hears that, it throws off his concentration for a moment. Hank realizes that this means Luanne's not a virgin, but Luanne says she had stopped being a virgin for an unknown period of time. Hank retorts with that no one likes a quitter. Luanne then naïvely states that Zack liked her, and so did her past boyfriends such as her now deceased boyfriend, Buckley. Hank then says there's someone that'd love her more if Luanne didn't sell herself out like that and "swing over to his bachelor pad." At the church, Reverend Stroup is having a conversation with them, saying Luanne has sinned, then says if young people like Luanne didn't sin, then Stroup would be out of a job. Nobody seems to laugh, so Stroup tells Luanne there is hope yet in restoring her purity. Before she can even answer, Peggy answers for Luanne, and Stroup says that Luanne can be a born-again virgin. Hank, in disbelief, asks how Stroup can pull that off. Stroup then explains the process to the three people present, such as not having sex again until marriage and attending the Youth Abstinence program. Luanne accepts with, "I'm willing to try anything once.", with Stroup looking odded out with Luanne's choice of words. Stroup then asks the Hills if they are willing to be Luanne's "celibacy sponsors", people who protect the virginity of a person. Although this is not in the Bible, Hank is willing to go for it.
In a room of the church, everyone and the abstainers have gathered around. Stroup asks them if they are ready for a frank and open discussion about fornication, and Hank replies with the fact there is a picture of Jesus behind the ping-pong table in an attempt to silence it, but to no avail. The groups are then divided into two categories by gender: male and female.
Gathering of the sexes
The males are seen first. A man named Larry begins by telling the men about testifying about the number of sexual relations they've had and to start, Larry openly admits he slept with four people. Larry then asks Hank about the number, and Hank, as expected, doesn't want to have this discussion and only says he's there due to being a sponsor. Larry then pressures the answer out of Hank that he could be a role model for the emerging virgins and it could make a difference between going all the way or going into Heaven. Hank reluctantly tells the men that he's had his share of girlfriend, but his Coach had always told Hank to save his sexual frustrations for football and later, Peggy would come along into his life and things got heavy, but she insisted they wait until marriage (a hypocritical statement from Peggy), and after their wedding night, Hank thanks her every day for that. Long story short, Hank has only had one sexual partner. A shy man by the name of Rhett Van Der Graaf, who goes after Hank, says that he too only has had one sexual partner, but he was not married and hates himself for the spur of the moment decision. He was getting a massage at an arts and crafts fair as he had taken his shirt off. The woman he lost his virginity to had put him face down on a chair and started rubbing his shoulders, brushing against him, and then Rhett says he had "sinned in his pants". This means that Rhett has not lost his virginity yet. Hank nervously says that he specializes in propane more than this, so he leaves the group to go do that.
In the womens' group, Stroup is obviously giving out Hershey's Kisses, 18 of them to a young woman wearing glasses, saying the words the teen says may not weigh anything, but the holding 18 pieces of candy is a different story. To the next woman, she is given 6 Hershey's Kisses. Luanne then whispers to Peggy that she is the youngest one of the group, she cannot simply tell them she's had sex with 4 men, otherwise they'd look at her as a harlot. Peggy only says to disregard what the women think and that she has a tough and forgiving God and a fair but firm aunt. When it's Luanne's turn, she admits to having sex with 4 men and is given 4 chocolates as a result. When it's Peggy's turn, Peggy looks unnaturally nervous and lies, saying 1. Stroup then applauds Peggy and starts giving Peggy praise for her ability to wait, which starts to make Peggy feel guilty. She tries to stop the undeserved praise, but Stroup presses on until Peggy finally says that she is not pure as she had claimed to be; having slept with someone else before sleeping with Hank, catching Luanne off-guard. Peggy looks down in shame. Luanne and Peggy are alone in the room. Peggy then begins to explain herself to Luanne that the man she slept with was her very best male friend, Wayne Trotter. Nothing serious had gone on between them despite rumors of a relationship, but that all changed at Pier One. He had sat Peggy down on a wicker chair and told him that he might be attracted to other men, which was not really as socially accepted in Texas when Peggy was young, so Peggy had offered herself to him. They had went to Wayne's home and had a night of intense passion, but it turned out that Wayne had been correct: he is homosexual. Hank then comes in and asks if Peggy and Luanne are decent. As Hank approaches them, Peggy turns away, ashamed of herself, and hides the chocolate from Hank in her closed palm. Then, Peggy eats one just as Hank is not looking.
Peggy's shame and regret
At Lake Arlen, Stroup welcomes the virgins, soon-to-be virgins, sponsors, and fans of pre-marital sex. Stroup then asks the sponsors of Luanne to step forward, and the Hills do so. Stroup then says before God and man, Luanne's next breath would be as if it were her first and Luanne takes a dive in the lake. Luanne pops out of the water and gleefully yells, attracting the attention of two men, that she is now a virgin. The two men come over and one of them asks if she wants to play, too, but Hank stops the lecherous men and tells them Luanne is not interested in what they're selling. Hank then announces that everyone who never had pre-marital sex gets ice cream. Again, sleeping with Wayne bites Peggy in the rear with guilt.
In Nancy and Dale's home, Peggy is still ridden with remorse over what happened years ago, sitting in silence. Nancy breaks the ice by stating that she shouldn't let Hank know about this. Peggy then says that the guilt of years ago has made her feel horrible to the point of hardly being able to sleep or eat. Nancy tries to reassure Peggy that she looks wonderful, but Peggy gives a half-agreement, but is still suffering stress.
Introducing Rhett to Luanne
At Hank's home, in the night time, Hank is obviously happy about waiting for 18 years until they got married. Peggy then changes the subject and says that the issue is not about Peggy's virtue, but Luanne. Hank then says that is what worries him; she does not have Peggy's patience or self-control. Again, Peggy is shown to be riddled with guilt, having not yet told of him Wayne Trotter. Hank then says they'd have to find Luanne a boy with "good, strong values". Rhett immediately comes to Hank's mind.
The next day at the bowling alley, Rhett has gotten a strike. Hank and the family walk up to him and Hank compliments him on his ability. Rhett then says that bowling has been a hobby of his. Hank then introduces Rhett to Luanne, and on the side, Peggy is still eaten up about what happened years ago. However, Rhett's eyes are more focused on her body than they are on Luanne. Luanne says she met him at that virgin gathering, and Rhett then admits he'd been kicked out for being a virgin. Rhett then offers to bowl with her, and she accepts.
Meanwhile, at the alley, Bobby is trying to unsuccessfully convience Boomhauer that pre-marital sex is bad. Only Bill happens to sign the paper, and asks who wants to play miniature golf Friday, $2 off. No one accepts, as Hank has to go to the abstinence dance to chaperone for Luanne. Dale, however, says they're going golfing without Hank, anyway.
Hank finally knows the truth
Nighttime at the gym, there is a "swing dance" going on for people who have vowed abstinence. The disc jockey happens to be Joseph Gribble, and Bobby and connie happen to be there, as well as many other children and Rhett and Luanne. As Luanne dances with him, Rhett keeps eyeing parts of her body, such as when Luanne dances in front of him, his eyes are on her rear. After the fast music is over, the slow music starts to play and Luanne and Rhett dance slowly to the rhythm. Luanne then tells Rhett that she feel safe with him rather than her last lover, as everything they did seemed to go into sex while Rhett is sniffing her hair. Luanne then says that the tables at What-a-Burger are meant to hold up one person, not two. Rhett thought that people only did that on the bed or in the shower. Luanne only laughs and says that virgins are so cute. The fast music kicks back up again, and like last time, Rhett's eyes are focused on her body rather than Luanne herself. Eventually, Rhett impulsively asks Luanne to marry him, and she accepts. Luanne then runs to tell Peggy and Hank the good news, who had just seen Connie and Bobby dancing to the music.
Peggy and Hank are stupefied at this revelation, with Hank objecting by saying she hardly knows Rhett. Luanne then says that they have something in common: being virgins. Hank then tells her this is true because this was his idea, and he was the reason Rhett and Luanne even met, two days before the dance. Luanne then happily says and it gets better as time flew on. Peggy then decides to show Luanne what would happen at her wedding: Peggy would object to it. Incredulous, Luanne asks if her aunt wanted her to be married, and Peggy says she does want Luanne married, but not to Rhett, a man that Luanne had just met. Luanne refuses her aunt's advice, dismissing it as Peggy downplaying Luanne. Peggy insists she is only protecting Luanne from her natural impulses, and Luanne retorts with this might be hard for her to accept, but Peggy should be happy as she'd be the first Platter female to walk down the aisle a virgin. Hank tries to defend Peggy by saying that he and Peggy had waited 18 years, but Luanne cuts Hank off quickly and tells Hank the truth: Peggy had slept with another man before Hank, much to his shock and disgust, with Wayne being a homosexual not helping the matter.
Later that night, as Hank is packing his clothes, he is obviously upset about having been told that Peggy was not pure before meeting her. Peggy tries to soften the blow, but Hank then angrily reminds Peggy of the statement, now making her a hypocrite, of waiting until marriage before fornication, adding that it's easy to wait when she's already had it on the side. Peggy tries to say that she didn't want to make the same mistake twice and Hank asks which one: lying about it for 2 decades or sleeping with him first and not with Hank, wanting to be angry at Peggy for the right reason. Peggy then tries the fallacy of deflection tactics, saying she was never told of Hank's past affairs at his previous job of Jeans West, but that is quickly shot down by Hank saying he was upfront about it. Peggy, being hypocritical yet again, then accuses Hank of overreacting to the past, saying that she cannot change it and offer to stop Luanne before she ruins her life. Hank coldly replies that he's going over to Luanne's to leave Peggy to think about what she's done, what he didn't get to do. Upset, Peggy throws her wallet on the floor.
The pre-wedding of Luanne and Rhett
The next morning, Luanne happens to be in her wedding dress, with Rhett lustfully eyeing her body like he had been doing, much to his pleasure. Luanne then looks outside and sees Peggy crossing her arms. Luanne was going to ask Peggy to sing "I Believe I can Fly" at the wedding, but now was second-guessing. Hank offers to kick her off the guest list to make room for Bill, then Peggy then enters the house, and again tries to stop Luanne from marrying Rhett. Luanne, just like the night before, dismissed Peggy and her attempts to stop her from marrying Rhett, however Luanne did not know Rhett's last name and decided to keep hers in case she didn't like it, and Rhett tells her, much to her approval. Peggy tries to use this for leverage to get Hank to stop the wedding, and Hank shoots her down again by saying at least Rhett had told Luanne in the present time rather than waiting 20 years later to find out. Exasperated, Peggy begs for Hank to stop rubbing salt in the wound, drops her pride, admits she was wrong, regretted sleeping with Wayne and apologizes and asks how much longer will Hank punish her. Hank ignores Peggy completely, and says that they'd need Boomhauer's limo for the wedding, to Peggy's dismay.
Later that night, Hank is sleeping on the couch in Luanne's home, whereas Peggy is still wide awake. Peggy then hears and sees Luanne sneaking away from her window to have sex with Rhett, and alerts Hank of it. Hank then goes to Rhett's van and finds both Luanne and Rhett making out, and he uses the fire extinguisher to stop them from going any further. Rhett then reveals something else Luanne knew nothing of: he is 22 years old and has not yet had sex. Hank then finally says that by tomorrow, the wedding is one as Peggy approaches the van. Peggy tries one last time to talk Luanne out of impulsive marriage with Rhett, saying that getting married only for the sake of sex is a horrible idea, and if that logic was sound, Peggy would have instead been wed to Wayne Trotter, and as a result, never meeting Hank or being able to create happy memories with him, calling him the love of her life. Just like last time, Hank seemingly ignores Peggy and asks if she's coming to the wedding or not. Peggy does not answer Hank's question as he tows a joyous Luanne away, leaving her alone on the spot where the van was, looking as if all hope was lost.
Hank finally forgives Peggy
The next day at Lake Arlen, there is no one present at the wedding, not even Rhett, as Luanne has called off the wedding, finally having listened to her aunt and admitting Peggy was right: that she and Rhett were getting married only for the sake of sex, just so he and God wouldn't get mad at her and Rhett. Luanne then says it should be him and Peggy that should be fornicating, and Hank asks what if Stroup heard Luanne talking like that, but it turns out that Stroup agreed with Luanne, and Hank sees Peggy joyously coming out of the water, having gone through the same process as Luanne, her past mistake of sleeping with Wayne being cleansed. Hank then says it's not as easy as that until he looks over Peggy, her body visible by the wet clothes and he gets in the water with his wife. Hank carries her out of the water and says to Peggy that when they get somewhere that no one else can see, he wants her disrobed from the wet clothes so as not to catch a cold. They finally kiss, and as Luanne and Stroup sees, Luanne says someone's going to lose her virginity, but not Luanne. The episode then ends.
- The plot of this is similar to that of the Season Two episode I Remember Mono since in that episode Peggy discovers Hank had kissed another woman when they were dating and turned irrationally bitter and dismissive of him when he tried making it up to her while in this episode, Hank discovers Peggy had slept with a man before she met him and Hank turned mad and bitter towards her for not telling him all the years they've been married this time as she tried to apologize to him numerous times.
- There is also an instant of Peggy being hypocritical in this episode; she accuses Hank of overreacting to what happened in the past, yet she had no trouble overracting to that one kiss Hank had gotten (to his reluctance) from another woman. To the point of actually tracking the woman down.
- Even in the past, Peggy was hypocritical. Peggy had slept with Wayne Trotter, a gay friend of hers, and lost her virginity to prove whether or not he was gay. This might be the reason why Peggy had made Hank wait until marriage, however, this still does not excuse the hypocrisy on Peggy's part as she could not wait for Hank.
- In this episode, we learn that no Platter woman has ever walked down the aisle as a virgin.
- Luanne did get married to Lucky later on in the episode Lucky's Wedding Suit.
- Hank and Peggy have kept many secrets from Bobby.
- The music played at the "Emergin' Virgins" dance as Luanne jitterbugs with Rhett is an instrumental version of Hey, Pachuco from the Jim Carrey movie "The Mask." Then Luanne and Rhett slow dance to Moonlight Serenade by Glenn Miller.
- One of the reasons for Peggy not wanting Luanne to marry Rhett was the fact that Luanne didn't know his last name. Rhett reveals it as "Van Der Graaf".
- Another reason why Peggy didn't want Luanne to marry Rhett was because Luanne didn't know how old Rhett was. Rhett reveals that he is 22.