|Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story|
|Season 5, Episode 104|
|Air date||May 13, 2001|
|Written by||Garland Testa|
|Directed by||Gary McCarver|
Hank's Back Story
Bobby Goes Nuts
Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story is the one hundred-fourth episode of King of the Hill. It was first aired on May 13, 2001. The episode was written by Garland Testa, and directed by Gary McCarver.
Bill is in urgent need of using Hank’s bathroom, but Hank, who doesn’t like to share bathrooms, refuses. Inspired, Dale acquires a port-a-potty, intent on cornering the premium outhouse business. Connie and Bobby are excited about their middle school’s upcoming prom. Riding their bikes home, they pedal through the high school parking lot. High school students chase Bobby, who’s forced to abandon his bike in some bushes. When he goes back to retrieve it, a high school security guard mistakes him for a high school student, and shoves him into the high school.
Expecting to be terrified, Bobby is amazed to discover delights like a food court and a “No Doubt” poster. When he’s confronted by students who don’t recognize him, they attempt to give him a swirlie, but Bobby claims to be a senior whose small stature is due to his failing kidneys, and who has been absent due to hospitalization. The students explain that their school is competing to have No Doubt perform at their prom. When a bigger student attempts to get into a dishwasher, to ride out a washing cycle and score points for the school’s No Doubt contest, he’s too big. Bobby volunteers to substitute, despite his “kidney problem,” thus becoming a local hero, and impressing sexy cheerleader Vivian. Later, after Connie reminds Bobby to get tickets to their middle school prom, she discovers that the prom tickets are sold out. Bobby agrees to take her to the high school prom instead. Bobby tells his new high school friends that Connie is a high school girl whom he met in the hospital, where she was being treated for having a small, hamster-like tail. When Connie discovers the lie, she refuses to go along with it, and stalks off. Bobby decides to take Vivian to the high school prom instead. To Hank’s dismay, Dale brings his port-a-potty to Strickland Propane, where Mr. Strickland takes advantage of it.
Dale allows the high school kids to pile into his port-a-potty, to score points in the No Doubt contest. While Bobby is trying to fit inside with them, Joseph asks Connie to the middle school prom, and she accepts. So many students finally squish into the port-a-potty that it begins to weaken. But their gimmick works; the kids score enough points that their school wins the contest, and No Doubt announces its appearance at their prom. Meanwhile, Hank tries to use one of the bathrooms at home, but they’re occupied. He caves in and resorts to Dale’s port-a-potty. But the potty is unsound from its high school prank, and collapses around him, revealing Hank squatting over the seat. Bobby goes out with his high school friends, only to discover they plan to throw water balloons at the middle schoolers on the way to their prom. The high school students are attacking the middle school students with water balloons when, to their surprise, they see Connie. Connie covers for Bobby, explaining that she had gotten rid of her tail, and enrolled in middle school because she required a lower-stress environment. Hearing that she’s cured, the high school students fire a water balloon at her, but Bobby takes the hit. Bobby confesses that he, too, is in middle school, and the high school students soak him, then leave him. Connie tells him that she’s still his girlfriend…but he did fail to get a ticket to prom, so she’s still going with Joseph. But later, the high school students realize that Bobby did help win the No Doubt contest, and besides, No Doubt may be expecting to see a dying Kidney Boy at the dance. So they give Bobby a ticket, and he takes Connie to the high school prom after all. When Bobby announces that Kidney Boy is gone forever, word gets to the band, which dedicates a song to his memory.
- Hank and Peggy didn't get a phone call from Bobby's principal saying that Bobby hasn't been in school while Bobby was at the high school.
- This is the second time Joseph has fallen for Connie even though the first time wasn't really a crush but it was a kiss.
- Tagline: "Aahaah" - Conklin (student at High School) "Conklin!" - High School Principal
- The songs performed by No Doubt in this episode are "Don't Speak" and "Bathwater."
- "Lupe's Revenge" was originally supposed to air this week, with "Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl" airing the week after. But the season was cut short, and "Lupe's Revenge" was postponed until the following season.
- Bobby (singing): If you wanna be my lover, you got to get with my friends!
- The high school students demand that Bobby sing a song, so he sings a line from "Wannabe" by British pop band Spice Girls.
- Bill: (in the Port-a-Gribble) "I feel like I'm a millionaire construction worker."
Dale: "With the finest lotions, the softest tissues, and the most pleasing lighting design, the Port-a-Gribble will be a four-by-five-by-eight foot slice of paradise."
Bill: "Finally, a vacation I can afford."
- Bobby: "Taco Bueno in high school? I thought that was just an urban legend."
- Bobby: "That's a high school girl I know from the children's hospital. She has a little tail. Not like a monkey, more like a hamster. They can't operate, so they're dissolving it with Compound W."
Vivian: "Oh, that brave little Hamster Girl."
- Connie: "I thought they liked you because you're cool, not pitied you because you're a freak."
Bobby: "No, I have the medical condition. You're the freak. We've got to keep our stories straight or we're never gonna pull it off."
- Senior#1: (Enters the boys' bathroom with his friends while Bobby is washing his hands) "Ha. Hey, Fresh meat, This is the seniors bathroom. I'm gonna shove your head in the toilet".
Bobby:(Screaming as the high school bullies try to give him a swirlie) "Aah! Put me down! My growth is stunted! My kidneys are broken! I'm REALLY a senior!"
Senior#2: "Like that kid on that old TV show?"
Bobby: "Yes! Exactly like that kid on that old TV show! Now, put me down!"
Senior#2:"You know, you do look kind of familiar. Didn't we see you at Conklin's party?"
Bobby: "Anybody who says they remember that party wasn't really there."
(Seniors say "Dude" as they and Bobby fist bump each other)
- Unnamed security guard:"Look, I know it's tough in there for a freshman. They're animals. I got some advice for you: puff out your chest and walk like this. I saw a gorilla do it on a nature show. Scared the crap out of me. Now, go on."