|Hank's Got the Willies|
|Season 1, Episode 4|
|Air date||February 9, 1997|
|Written by||Johnny Hardwick|
|Directed by||Monte Young|
The Order of the Straight Arrow
Hank catches Bobby furiously windmilling his beloved Guild guitar, “Betsy.” Bobby explains that he was playing the instrument with a piece of cheese, a la his favorite comedian, Celery Head. After examining the guitar, Hank realizes his son chipped Betsy’s bridge. The next day, Bobby crashes Hank’s lawn mower into his truck and uses Hank’s pitching wedge to hit clumps of dog excrement. Peggy suggests that Bobby wants his father's attention and that Hank should take Bobby golfing. At first, Hank dismisses the idea outright, but when Bobby says his two heroes are a Gameboy champion and a bizarre worm-child, Hank decides he needs to take his son golfing immediately.
Before they go, Hank drives Betsy to a local guitar shop. Along the way, Hank tries to think of a suitable hero for Bobby. Hank tells his son that his own idol has always been Willie Nelson, as he was born in Texas, plays the guitar, and loves to golf. After dropping Betsy off for repairs, Hank joins Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer for a game of golf. Bobby chips a ball right into a cup on his first try; Impressed, Hank allows Bobby to tee-off on the next hole. Bobby takes a mighty swing and lets go of the club, which gracefully tumbles through the air until it strikes another golfer in the head. The foursome rush to the hapless victim’s side, only to discover the man is none other than Hank’s hero, Willie Nelson.
After trying to help him, Hank asks Nelson for his autograph. Nelson takes a pencil in hand, but still suffering from his injury, he slumps forward into the steering wheel of his golf cart, leaving a signature that is nothing more than a straight line. Before Hank has a chance to tell Willie that he is his hero, the singer’s cart picks up speed and races down a hill. Convinced he cost his father the opportunity of a lifetime, Bobby rides his bicycle (with a guitar case strapped to the handlebars) to Willie Nelson’s mansion (now property of the United States Government). He finds Nelson playing a Gameboy in a nearby trailer. Bobby phones his father with news that Nelson has invited him to a barbecue party. When Hank arrives, he finds the singer strumming Betsy. Willie flips the guitar around and shows Hank that he autographed the instrument. Hank telephones his wife and invites her over to the barbecue. When she arrives, Peggy meets Dennis Hopper, who begins to flirt. Furious at Hank for showing the guitar so much attention, Peggy stomps towards her husband. But she melts when she hears Hank singing a song about how much he loves her.
Willie Nelson: Hey, I know you. You're the kid who rakes my lawn.
Bobby Hill: No, I'm the kid who hit you in the head.
Willie Nelson: With a rake?
Bobby Hill: No, with a golf club.
Willie Nelson: You've been rakin' my yard with a golf club? I want my quarter back.
Hank Hill: Out of my way Rooster boy.
- Hank Hill
- Peggy Hill
- Bobby Hill
- Luanne Platter
- Dale Gribble
- Joseph Gribble
- Jeff Boomhauer
- Les (cameo)
- Willie Nelson (cameo)
- Dennis Hopper (cameo)
- Bill quotes the song "Mr. Grinch" when he claims Hank is anti-Christmas by saying "Well, you're a mean one, Mr. Grinch."
- Hank states that Betsy is a 1963 Guild Solid-Top acoustic guitar, yet the guitar features a steel bridge and a tortoiseshell pickguard, neither of which were ever manufactured by the Guild Guitar Company.
- Contrary to Hank's statements, Willie Nelson never made an album classified as "adult contemporary".
- Celery Head is a reference to Carrot Top, with the "Eddie Cheddar" bit parodying Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder.
- Carrot Top is named so because of his curly, orange hair, while Celery Head gains his name from a top-hat style cap that he wears.
- Willie Nelson was 64 when this episode aired.
- Like Hank, Willie Nelson was a left halfback when he was in high school.
- Boomhauer appears wearing blue tights, as opposed to his more common leopard-print tights.
- Hank references Terry Fox when saying "...like that boy with no legs that rans across Canada", although Fox only had one leg amputated, not both.
- Hank, Dale, Bill, and Jason Adderly appear playing Chicago Stud poker.
- Bobby swings at dog poo using a 6 Iron.
- Hank references Willie Nelson's trouble with the IRS, which resulted in Nelson releasing a double album entitled "The IRS Tapes: Who'll Buy My Memories?" in 1991.
- Hank hopes for Bobby to be the next Lee Travino, a Mexican golfer who won 6 major championships in his career.
- Hank states that he dislikes pop-rock musician Bryan Adams.
- Willie Nelson's doorbell plays a brief excerpt of the tune "On The Road Again."
- Peggy mutters "That guitar is hell" under her breath when bad-mouthing Hank.
- Willie mispronounces Hank's name as Hank Hall.
- Hank reveals to have written a song in high school called Peggy Peg.
- Luanne appears braiding Willie Nelson's hair.
- This episode features no stinger quote, instead using a brief jam session between Willie and Hank.
- Lyle Lovett is seen at the party when Hank mumbles "outta my way, Rooster Boy". Rooster Boy was a common nickname of Lovett's.
- Boomhauer is seen talking to Bob Dylan, who has a similar mumbling problem
- Dale is heard mumbling "damn Russian titanium..." when he is unable to break his club over his knee after dog-legging a shot into the trees.
- Bobby's weight slows down the golf cart considerably when he jumps on.
- Bill begins to make a dirty joke involving a prostitute and a priest before being stopped by Hank due to Bobby's presence.
|Season 1||Season 2|
Pilot · Square Peg · The Order of the Straight Arrow · Hank's Got the Willies · Luanne's Saga · Hank's Unmentionable Problem · Westie Side Story · Shins of the Father · Peggy the Boggle Champ · Keeping Up With Our Joneses · King of the Ant Hill · Plastic White Female