|Earthy Girls are Easy|
|Season 13, Episode 2|
|Air date||October 5, 2008|
|Written by||Paul Corrigan & Brad Walsh|
|Directed by||Matt Engstrom|
Earthly Girls are Easy is the second episode in the 13th seasonand the 237th episode overall. It originally aired on October 5, 2008.
Hank is horrified to discover Bobby and Joseph digging a hole in his prized lawn, but when the boys explain that they are planting trees for their Earth science class, he warms up to the idea and helps them. Later, Buck announces to the Strickland Propane employees that the Bystander is threatening to run an article exposing his having discarded old propane tanks in the river; when everyone realizes that this apparent disregard for the environment will ruin Strickland's reputation, Hank proposes that the company 'go green'. The next day finds the employees carpooling, recycling, and reducing electricity consumption, although Buck repeatedly demonstrates his plaintive disapproval over how inconvenient the changes are for him. Later, Hank discusses the matter in the alley with his friends, and Dale suggests that the company simply buy carbon offsets. Hank expresses his disgust at the idea of throwing money at one's own problem for someone else to fix, and instead points to Bobby and Joseph, who are still busy voluntarily planting trees, as an example of proper environmental action. When Hank arrives at work the next day, he is appalled to find that not only has Dale started his own carbon offset 'business' using Bobby and Joseph's tree planting, but that he has talked Buck, who now feels no further obligation to 'going green', into buying offsets as well, using some of his unused land as a place to plant the offset trees.
While Buck takes advantage of Strickland's new 'green' image to sweet-talk women, Dale rethinks his business plan and sends Bobby and Joseph around to sell the offsets, saying that he and Octavio will be in charge of the planting instead. However, he reasons that no one has any way of knowing how many 'carbons' each tree absorbs, and thus that continuing to plant trees isn't really necessary. Meanwhile, Buck encounters two attractive young musicians on their way to an environment benefit concert in another state and gets the idea to host his own concert, using the land where the offset planting is supposedly happening as the venue, to win favor with them, going so far as to promote the concert on Channel 84 and putting Hank in charge of organizing the event. When Hank goes to take a look at the site, though, he finds only a handful of neglected and dying saplings. He immediately tracks down Dale and forces him to confess to Buck that he has not actually been planting any trees. Panicked and outraged, Buck demands a backup plan, and Dale proposes to contact a rejected member of his gun club, pay him for the carbon offset rights for the many trees on his property, and simply have the concert there instead.
The day of the concert arrives, and throngs of jubilant environmentalists surround the stage. Buck gives a speech full of blatant lies about Strickland's role with the surrounding forests, and Hank, unable to keep silent over Buck and Dale's deception, tricks Buck into giving up the microphone and confesses to the assembled masses that the trees around them had been there all along and that Strickland Propane had done nothing. The crowd, however, misinterprets his confession as environmental actions, and Hank resignedly yields the stage to the opening act, leaving the audience to their blissful ignorance and allowing the concert to begin.
- Hank: “What the heck is a carbon offset?” Dale: “It’s like a ‘get out of jail free’ card for people concerned about the environment but not concerned enough to do anything.”
- Buck Strickland: “I have a kid somewhere.” Female customer: “So do I!”
- Buck: “I find that hard to believe … You take the next customer, Hank. I’m going to handle this one *loosens tie* personally.”
- Bobby: “Between all the dull stuff you’re doing and all the exciting stuff I’m doing, we’re going to save the world!”
- Buck: “I fell hard for a lovely lady named Mother Earth; and like any man in love, I want the whole world to see my beautiful woman and her trees.”
- Buck “And this is where I’ll be hobnobbing with all the celebrities. I call it the ‘green’ green room.”
- The flying toaster screensaver on Buck's computer references one of the iconic screensavers from After Dark.
- The benefit concert's opening act is none other than Big Mountain Fudgecake, apparently having reunited after the band's breakup in Redcorn Gambles with His Future.
- The episode's title references the 1988 comedy movie Earth Girls Are Easy
- Marissa Jaret Winokur and Mo Collins are guest star.
- The two girls; Mandy and Becky, from Sug Night returned in this episode.