|Death and Texas|
|Season 3, Episode 22|
|Air date||April 27, 1999|
|Written by||John Altschuler and Dave Krinsky|
|Directed by||Wes Archer|
Revenge of the Lutefisk
Wings of the Dope
A death row inmate, Wesley Archer, writes to Peggy claiming to have been touched by her substitute teaching. Peggy visits him in prison and brings him books to read, much to the disapproval of Hank. Finding that Wes is illiterate, Peggy begins tutoring him. She plays Boggle with him and gives him the Boggle set to use. At their next meeting, Wes tells Peggy that the Boggle timer was destroyed in a fight, and that his friend will give her a new timer to bring to him.
Meanwhile, Dale, inspired by hearing about Peggy's visiting the prison, wants to become an executioner. The warden accepts Dale's offer to spray the entire prison for $1. Dale then states gleefully that according to the prison manual, he is eligible to become an executioner. The warden agrees to add him to the long waiting list, but erases his name after he leaves the room.
Peggy gets the over-sized timer, packed to the brim, from Wes's friend. Later Wes claims that the sand spilled out of the timer, so Peggy retrieves a brick of "timer sand" from his friend. Soon Wes admits to Peggy that the timer sand was actually cocaine and that he has been using her as a drug mule. He tells her that he had written all of the teachers in the Arlen yearbook and she was the only one naive enough to respond. As Wes tells her, "I never had you as a teacher! I'm from Arkansas. I'm almost 40 for God's sake!"
Wes threatens to turn Peggy in unless she brings him a list of items including a "box of pornography, a jug of corn liquor, a Farrah Fawcett poster and a Milwaukee Sawzall," as well as a brick of cocaine every week. The deadline passes, and Peggy is called to see the warden. Peggy and Hank go to the meeting to find that the only evidence against Peggy is the empty timer, which "looks like it's been licked clean." With no evidence, Peggy is absolved of the crime.
- The main antagonist of the episode, Wesley Archer, is named after the episode's director, Wes Archer.
- The title is a reference to the popular phrase "death and taxes".
- In the real world, the cocaine in the Boggle timer would have been detected well before it passed through the checkpoint and Peggy would have been detained immediately for questioning.
Bobby: "All sloppy and no joe."