|Job||Former football coach Arlen High School|
|First appearance||Three Coaches and a Bobby|
|Voiced by||Phil Hendrie|
Coach Sauers is a former football coach for Arlen High School who led Hank, Boomhauer, Bill, and Dale (as towel boy) to the 1974 Texas State Championship game, which Arlen lost after Hank suffered a major leg injury. Because of his strict and serious demeanor, he was given the nickname "Sour Coach Sauers". In Three Coaches and a Bobby, Coach Sauers is shown working as a ladies shoe salesman, before Hank Hill talks him into taking the coaching job at Tom Landry Middle School. He was very strict and unforgiving with Bobby and the rest of the Tom Landry Middle School football team, leading many players to quit and join the soccer team. He is voiced by Phil Hendrie.
Coach Sauers was mentioned in the episode Hank's Back. After Hank suffered a back injury, he said that he wanted some of the "go pills" that Coach Sauers used to give them playing football. Bill said he broke his leg while taking them and didn't realize it for 2 days. Boomhauer referred to the pills as horse crank.
"Okay, Louisa May, go play your ballerina ball. Just leave your penis in the bucket."
"Deuterive, My God man what happened?"
"Up to now you men have been losing. But now you're gonna be winning. 'Cause I'm gonna ride you Dainty Joes so hard you'll wish you were all dead! I'm gonna chew you up, spit you out, take a big dump on top of that, and then I'm gonna get tough!"
"Eat mud! I said eat it! Eat it!"
"Take a salt tablet"
"You get us to State and I guarantee I'll kiss each and every one of you little pansies right on the mouth!"
"You little pantywads think you're ready to play the Wolves again? The Wolves eat razor blades for breakfast! Run, you bunch of fuzzy-butted softies! Run, with your fancy sneakers with the bumps and valves and little lights in the back that can set off a seizure, but what do you care? I ran around the world in a pair of Jock Taylors, for the love of Pete!"
"I never liked you Hill, you were always a know-it-all and a do-gooder!"